The Skinny on being Skinny

Last night as I laid in bed with my husband (while he watched the Jersey Shore), I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. If you have been following my blog, you already know I am sick. My weight was the first big sign. At 4 ft 10 inches, I have always been curvy. Typical hour glass figure. Big boobs, small waste, wide @ the hips (cause I am white, no ass). The heaviest I have ever been was 135 lbs 8 months pregnant with my first son. Seven years later ( & one more baby boy), I am currently (fingers crossed) 89lbs. I am not saying this to brag. In fact, its the complete opposite.
I saw my reflection & started to cry. I have those little round balls on the tops of my shoulders. The ones you see on girls who are starving themselves. I looked @ my husband in horror. I screamed, women kill themselves to look like this?? Why?? Never in my life have I been scared to wear a bathing suit. Not even 7 months pregnant (I sported a bikini). Now, I am.
There are women who are modest. I am not one of those women. The first 5 yrs of my marriage, we called our house, the naked house. We never wore clothes. In fact, I still don't. This needs to be fixed cause my boys really shouldn't be seeing me walk fro the bathroom to the bedroom bare ass, but bad habits are hard to break. In October, after getting my most recent tattoo, I was very drunk. (SECRET: Getting wasted makes tattooing hurt alot less). I was gonna be sick. When I puke, I strip. We recently moved to the sub burbs. There are woods all around us. It was the night. I spent two hrs. sitting outside, staring @ the stars, buck naked. It was WONDERFUL.
Now, I look @ myself in disgust. My husband told me I was still hot, & stop. For my height, I have very long limbs. My legs are longer than his (he is 5ft 10 inces) & my arm reach is the same as him. He says the only thing that he sees is now my arms look freakishly long. My soul mate doesn't always know how to comfort.
The point I am trying to make is I cant believe anyone would want to look like this. I loved my curves. I beg the women of this country to realize that we aren't supposed to look like boys. My D cups are just B's. My hip bones stick out so much, the other day I came home & my 3 yr old hugged me; his head reaches my waist. He banged his head against my hip bone & started to cry.
I have always been slim, but I was also toned. I no longer have much muscles. The closest thing I can use as an example, is Natalie Portman, in the Black Swan. My husband touches me like I am a glass doll. (FYI: NOT my style).
I am on a mission to gain 20lbs. I am on the celiac diet. Its basically like living on the atkins diet. Ever seen anyone gain weight on that diet. Me neither.
If this inspires anyone to stop starving themselves, or to maybe decide to digest their food, instead of puking it up, it would make me happy. If you are healthy, stop trying to make yourself look sick. That's the only reason why my body looks the way it does. Cause I am sick. Do yourselves a favor. Learn to love the body you have. I did.