I am having an epiphany @ the moment. It revolves around me being a bit of a strega (English translation: witch). I am not embarrassed to say I believe in people having a sixth sense. Why not? I I know there is so much of this world that we neither know or understand. Its just too small minded not to think that anything is possible. So here is my ah ha moment:
When I was 17, I was at a feast on Cresent Ave., in the Aurther Ave. section in the Bronx. I said I am a believer, so when I saw a palm reader, I thought, why not? My family are big believers in the malocchio, the evil eye, so on & so forth. My great aunt would lift the malocchio off of people in my parents kitchen.
I go for my $5.00 palm reading, thinking its going to be all bullshit, (Romanian Gypsy). I am @ the feast with my boyfriend (now husband) and another couple. I sit in her chair & the first words out of her mouth were, "so, your pregnant." Not as a question. As a matter of fact. I looked @ her & said, no (& in my head wanted to tell her off for making me feel fat). She says "if you aren't right now, you will be soon. And in your future someone with the initial A will save ..." . I am 32, and truth be told, a bit off a burn out, so what the initial A will save is a bit foggy. All i know is I walked away pissed, but also a bit freaked. I was positive this wasn't her normal $5.00 crap hand reading.
That's was in August. I left for college at the end of the month. My boyfriend & I stayed together, & I would come home on the weekends and stay @ his house. My parents thought I was staying in the dorm on the weekends. No, I wasn't an angel. I came home for winter recess and was worn out. I couldn't stay awake, & I felt like I had the flu. I am sleeping with Anthony when the pain started. It woke me up out of my sleep. I went into the bathroom & found what could only described as the heaviest period I have ever had in my life. I couldn't even tell you if I was supposed to have it, I wasn't very good at tracking it. I cleaned up & went back to bed. The cramps were so bad, I couldn't take it. I woke Anthony up & told him I had to go home, cause I think I needed a doctor. He brought me home, & after explaining why I was walking into my house @ 6am with Anthony when I was supposed to be at school, I showered & left for an Urgent Care Center cause I was positive that on top of my period I must have had a ragging UTI (I got them, alot).
No UTI. But my pregnancy test was positive. I don't care. I am 32 & married to the same man who did this with me, so I have no shame. The thing is, the doctor didn't follow that with, "and your in the middle of having a miscarriage".
Why does this matter? Fast forward 12 years. I have a 3 year old. His pregnancy was horrible. I wont even get into it. We decided its time to try again. Fertile Mertile I am, I am instantly pregnant again. Nervous. I go to my first doctors appointment, @ what is supposed to be my 9 wk check up. No heart beat. Devastation. I am 29, and have now had 2 miscarriages & one very high risk pregnancy. I have a DNC and am told to wait 3 months before I start trying. 6 weeks later, I am pregnant, again.
Another high risk pregnancy. I am induced because the baby stopped moving & my fluid drops to dangerously low. My whole pregnancy, I never call the baby by name. I didn't want to say his name until his first breath. It was my way of trying to detach myself, just in case. We had his name picked out. Anthony James (my name is unisex, so why not) & we would call him AJ. The night I couldn't feel him, I begged him to move, calling out his name to my belly.
He was born premmie, just like his brother. I refused a C-Section (he started moving on the way to the hospital). As I was in labor, Anthony has the idea to bank the cord blood, just in case. Most people pick a bank months before. He is pricing them & asking my opinion in between contractions (we chose Viacord). AJ is born struggling. His lungs are worse than his brothers are, and his jaundice isn't going away fast enough. When I ask why, I am told its because we don't have the same blood type. AJ is like his father. He is O & the universal type.
My son is 3. I am sick with either a genetic food allergy, or possibly something else so rare, that my doctor doesn't even want to begin to talk about it (no matter how likely it may look). In the middle of the night, I had a feeling, like someone whispering in my ear, to remember. To remember back to a moment when I was 17 & had a strange conversation with a Gypsy. It was all meant to happen. The miscarriage @ 17 (the universe was showing me to pay attention). The initial A will save. AJ will save me with his cord blood.
This might come off as rambling, but I needed to have this documented on the day that I saw it. Just in case in happens. I need to be able to say for sure when I felt it.
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