As a person who comes from a family who have addiction issues, I have tried to stay away from certain things because of that predisposition. But did you know that you can have the worst withdrawal symptoms from shit that doesn't even get you high ( & by high I also mean drunk). I found that out the hard way on our lasted trip. By the way, I haven't had an actual vacation since my son Dom was born. Everyplace we have been to since is called a trip. Vacations do not include children. My next vacation will be in 14yrs & one month. Dom will be 20 & I will chance that he & AJ will survive while we are gone. Sorry, got sidetracked.
We arrived in the Bahamas on a Sunday morning. I already was @ the 48 hour mark off stopping all medications that my previous doctors put me on. I thought the first 48 would be the worst. WOW was I wrong. I was awake for those first 48 hrs. No shit. Except for 2 hrs ( I know that means 46 sorry again), I was up & wired. The nest 36 weren't so fun.
It started with not being able to control my body temperature. I am usually cold, but this wasn't just cold. It was like standing in a freezer, but then I would start sweating. That would last for all of 10 minutes, & then all of a sudden it felt likely insides were on fire. I know what you are all thinking... why didn't you ween yourself off. The reason is easy... I was told nausea & vomiting. Been there, done that. Once I got thru day two (straight without sleep), I figured I lucked out. NOT!
This continued the whole day Sunday. By this point I was so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open. We are on vacation & I told my husband I didn't think I could do dinner. He was so upset (he was watching the freak show all day & again felt helpless). I couldn't bring myself to hurt him & make him go to dinner with just the boys & his father. His dad is just a widower, & I would be making him look like one too. By the way, they would have picked up BIG TIME. I pulled my shit together & went with them.
My new diet makes eating out very exciting. I got to meet the chef @ every restaurant we ate at. Explaining celiac isn't as hard as you think, & they all were very helpful. I still felt like a freak. But with my order of appetizer mashed potatoes & petite feliet entree, guess what happened? Can someone say nausea. Anthony begs me to eat the whole meal. I want to die. As a drink, I am switching from ice cold club soda, to chamomile tea. Yes, at the same time. I also am putting & taking off my sweater every ten minutes.
The torture finally ends & we go to the room. Did I say it ended. Not really. Just the public display. I am nauseous, but because I told Ant to fuck off & eat, I don't vomit. I dress for bed. Sweat pants, t shirt, my sweatshirt, & Ant's hoodie over it all. If I could crawl into his body, I would have. Any Twilight Fans. I was Bella on the mountain. He was my Jacob.
I sleep on and off, but cant move. Before bed I took a whole xanex ( I never take a whole ), so I sleep thru the shivers. The shivers are what wakes me up every once and a while. I guess that's what an epileptic feels like. I suffer in silence. I cant let my kids or Anthony see me like this. Buy 5:00 am I am able to get to my feet, & get to the bathroom, because even though I didn't vomit, whatever is doing this to me wants out. I peel off my clothes. They look like I stood outside in the ran. Freezing, but dripping g in sweat. I cant stand yet, so I laid in the bath (I shkeeve) & fill it with hot water. I mean HOT. 30 minutes later, I felt strong enough to stand & shower. 30 minutes after that, I feel like I can start to climb out of hell.
My family is now awake & ready to go. They get suited up. I put on another pair of sweats. We went to breakfast & I beg the waiter to sit outside. I cant take the AC. Again, Anthony begs me to eat. I want to slit his throat. Yes, I am around 89lbs, but can u give me a break? I don't have an eating disorder. I am just sick. Once the withdrawal gets better, I promised to eat as much as I could.
He thought I was having a reaction to the new Vitamins I am on. I asked him hasn't he ever seen an episode of celebrity rehab? He asked why would he watch that shit. I said cause its funny. I wasn't laughing at that moment. The rest of the day, I drink 2 liters of water, as much juice as I can get my hands on, plus the saltiest food I could find.
By Tuesday, baby steps & I am eating pretty normal. Well... as normal as I can be in my current situation. I can tell you I now understand why junkies don't want to go thru that. If that is what happens & they are taking crap that makes them feel good, why the hell would they??
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