I "blog" in hopes that maybe someone will hear this story & say I sound like them. Or, they can either relate or contribute something interesting. My first official blog will have to do with my current saga that is my health. My current medical state could be on that show House, or maybe medical mysteries. Part of me feels like it has more to do with medical incompetence, than my case really being so unique, but that's cause I am hopeful that what ever my illness is, its not really that rare. Special, when it comes to illness, isn't a good thing. I am currently going to a new doc., who seems stunned @ the treatment I have received so far. I can track this as far back as the birth of my oldest son (he will be 7 Apr 1st). But the situation turned really bad this past Nov. In the past four months, my new doc is the 4th., to try & diagnose me. The others have basically written me off. My primary said to me that he has helped me as much as he can, but he just cant seem to figure it out. He suggested moving on. Said go see another specialist. Didn't even give me a name. I asked him if I should go into the city, (NYC has the BEST doctors in the world). Wanna know what a westchester doctor said? "If you need to go for weekly appointments, isn't that a pain in the ass?" Seriously! I am as sick as you can get before they admit you, & the man is worried about how many miles it will take me to get there. I just moved to the sub burbs. I used to see the Empire State Building from my window. Later that day, I found a specialist. Her office is next to the Time Warner Buildings (that my husband helped build).
She seems great, & is working her butt off to help me. There is always a catch. NO INSURANCE. I have great insurance. As long as I am willing to go to doctors who know only how to treat a cold. My new doc, the day before my app., her office called & reminded me of my app time & to bring a check. NICE! Food for my kids, or another doc trying to figure out what is wrong w/ me. Its really not that bad, but as someone who has very good insurance, just the idea of paying out of pocket burned me. The fact is, if your a doc & someone is coming to see you, and they are desperate, and the doc is THAT good, you would ask for cash only too. It just reminded me how screwed up our health care system really is.
Her office called today. They have been calling any doctor that ran any blood work on me in recent years. They told me I really should find a new primary. Wow. Its nice to know that the man who has been in charge of my health for the past 11 yrs is so bad that another doctor is telling me to run as fast as I can. I have hope. This time last week, I was trying to figure out how to teach my husband to take care of our kids (my solution... nanny), if I wasn't here to do it myself. People die all the time without knowing what made them sick. I never thought it would be the way I would go, but last week, I wasn't so sure. I am supposed to go see her either tomorrow or Friday. She is compiling all of the information she has gotten from the other doctors, plus all of her tests. She assured both my husband & myself its not cancer. I thought it was. Not that there arent things just as bad as cancer. But I have seen cancer, its treatments, and how it eventually kills you. I watched it, twice. Once with an elderly person, & once with someone who wasn't sick a day in their life. Till that person was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Mentally, I just cant handle it. The biggest reason: If I am ever diagnosed with cancer & its stage 3 or above, I will refuse treatment. Chemo & radiation for a few more yrs (or months). No thank you. I am all about quality of life, not quantity.My issue, its also kinda like quiting before the race. Its hard to look your children in the face if your not willing to fight for them. I am grateful it looks like I wont have to worry about that.
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